why do i feel sad whenever i think of you?

wow.

that was how i felt when you walked past me, in that close proximity. i have never hyperventilate. but i did, and i shook, and then i froze.

it was, the bestest farewell gift ever. i had you imprinted in memory, every last detail. and if we were to ever meet again, i think i'll be convinced that youre the one.

thanks for being awesome.

yesterday, something funny happened in school. after i was done eating, i told L that i wanted to wash my hands. since the toilet nearest to us was temporarily closed for cleaning, i went to the one on the other side of school. when i went back, i was stumped to find that the bench was empty save for the couple who shared it with us. i went into panicked mode cos i didnt have anything with me to call her. i looked around me but she wasnt in sight. my short-sightedness didnt help. walked around but couldnt find her. finally i sat down, thought of where she could have been. initially, i wanted to go back to the bench where we seated, but somehow, i did not. i approached a girl to borrow her handphone. she was being very nice and waited patiently. but L didnt answer her phone and i got anxious. her class was about to start and shes nowhere to be seen.

i decided that she might be heading for class already since she always had to chop seats. checked where her class was, but alas, she wasnt there. i approached another girl and asked if i could borrow her phone. thank god this time, L answered. i swear both of us sighed with relief. told her where i was and she came over. apparently, she went to the toilet nearest to us and waited for me there. she got worried when i took too long and decided to call her boyfriend to tell him i suddenly disappear into thin air. you cannot imagine how happy i was to see her. we laughed our ass off when we met. haha, i was worried too sey. for awhile when i didnt see her, i thought i went to the wrong place.

that was definitely one event i will never forget. i laughed to myself on the way back home. haii. why am i not surprise that such things happen? honey, only you can make things turn 360 degrees.

why do we always hurt the people we love? i am sorry. i think, ive pushed you to your limits.

stay, please.

how could you, a perfect stranger, has such impact on how i feel? cos the moment youre out of my sight, i got into a foul mood. i find this feeling singularly unpleasant. and unnecessary. youve been my weekly happy pill for three years now. and after today, i probably wouldnt see you ever again. that realization irritates me to no end. i want to see you again.

oh crap, this is impossible.

sometimes, you crave the need to be hurt, cos it beats the feeling of numbness, stillness and ignorance. i want you, you know. ive always wanted you. yet, youre always out of grasp. when i think ive caught up with you, fate made a little twist and you and i both, are back to square one. the chasing begins again. but lately, ive stopped. chasing gets a bit tiring. even jogging seems like a hassle. maybe, i`ll walk. in the midst of all the chasing, i might have missed something that is actually worth my time, worth my compliments and worth my rave. but really, at the end of the day, everyone wants a little bit of you, a little bit of... love.

because i dont think i can, or even want to handle the truth.

if youre into mind games, you should seriously check these movies out: